The Divine Lovers – Interview with Dharma Mountain 2017
- One woman asked: Last year I did Conscious Relating with Talib and Schubhaa at Dharma and I wanted to do the Divine Lovers with Svarup & Premartha, but when I read the text it seems to be a very similar group. Do you know if it is?
We actually do not know Talib and Shubha’s work. We guess though that it branches off from Krishnananda work, which is based on Codependency.
Our group is based on the understanding of energy, and how it circulates differently, in a complementary way, in a male and a female body, regardless from sexual preferences. Of course this understanding creates a more conscious relating, and it leaves you with the option to choose partners and friends of the opposite and the same sex. It concerns not only sexual or love exchange, but also exchanges on a subtler level, like sharing creativity, vision and inspiration, or becoming partners in meditation.
Although we fully respect monogamous relationships, we cannot expect from our partner to cover all these different levels of exchange. It would be too much pressure for us or our partner to expect him or her to be also the source of our inspiration and creativity, for instance. It is a scientific fact of physics that a closed system slowly loses energy if it doesn’t receive and give input from other sources outside this system.
- Who is this group for, and do I need to have done any work before with myself, before this group?
This group is for meditators, people interested in inquiry and the search. It is for those who want to be in tune with a larger field, and surrender to their nature in a loving, respectful and conscious way.
- Is this group suited for couples? If so, will we be together in the group, or do we have to be intimate with others also?
It is definitely very suited also for couples. As we said, it doesn’t focus on creating the ideal relationship, but on understanding on what level our exchange is nourishing and with whom. By exploring this, we can learn to cherish and enhance also our relationship as a couple, and to open up and include the fact that it might not cover all areas of our lives.
If by intimacy you mean sexual exchange, we will not encourage any of that.
Still, there might be feelings of jealousy and possessiveness, but not because we provoke them, just because they are there to be acknowledged and transformed in a loving surrounding.
- What can my relationship with my partner receive/learn from this group?
How can it improve?
It can improve by learning to honor and respect what is truly between you and your partner. Once acknowledged, your differences can become a fuel for going deeper into mutual trust.
- What can I as single receive/learn from this group?
You can learn to recognize where and with whom there is real nourishment and sharing, and that no relationship can cover every aspect of our needs.
- What kind of exercise will we do?
Meditations from Osho’s Vigyan Bhairav Tantra, breathing, sharing, and explorations rising out of the moment.
- I am afraid of sex. What can I get out of this group?
Finding out from your own experience where the sexual energy is blocked and why. Learning to relax and not push yourself because there are always good reasons for this fear, and defence mechanisms that need to be respected, until trust and love for yourself arise.
- I am sex-addicted. What can I get out of this group?
To be compassionate towards yourself, not to judge and to recognize that what you are trying to achieve through sex might not really necessarily be sexual satisfaction, but rather a release of tension that comes from another source.
- Can you give an example on an issue I will look at in the group?
For instance, feeling and learning to distinguish between:
- the biological drive to create a nest and reproduce, something that is at the root of our exchange and stronger with some people than others (Osho calls it the marriage of sleep, a nourishing and grounded space that is more collective than personal)
- a relationship based on common passions and dreams (Osho calls it the marriage of dream), that is aiming at manifesting a life together.
- a partnership in meditation, in which the focus is no longer on each other, but on something larger
Once you learn the techniques, it will be easy to make the distinction, and a challenge to accept that this is the way our energy moves in different relationships.
Of course we can evolve from one to another, still respecting the roots of it, but it takes awareness and acceptance to surrender to this distinction
- Will we be naked and will we touch each other?
There is no nakedness, and the touching, if it will happen, will be within very clear boundaries.
And these questions are about sex and relationship as a topic, that would be nice to use on the blog, if you have time to look at them <3
- What is sex?
Sex is basic life energy. We were born out of it, and it is the fuel for transformation. As it goes through the chakra system it can become love, prayer, and eventually enlightenment
- Does all love relationships start with sexual attraction?
Not necessarily, it can be the other way around. Friends can become lovers, and although sex will have its part, it won’t necessarily be the most important part of the relationship
- How can I get to know my sexual energy when I don’t have a partner?
By directly experiencing that your sexual energy can flow also with nature. Our partners reflect anyway something larger, the opposite, male or female, which is present in a larger form in nature and existence. This can be a great relaxation, and create an opening for meeting the other in a human form
- I am afraid of my own sexual energy, that it is too strong, and that I can’t hold it back. What can I do?
Why too strong? This fear might be a reaction to the environment you grew up in, or a fear of moving into intimacy. In this group you can explore its sources, and learn to stay more present and conscious to its real flow, that in itself is strong, but never too strong, if you allow it to move through your whole chakra system.
- I have had so many ideas, fears and expectations about sex. I have been hurt and have hurted people I love because of this. How can I get to know and enjoy my sexual energy in a true way, without going into these ideas and fears about it, and patterns of performing and pleasing?
By sharing, and finding beloveds whom you can trust to share with your vulnerability and fear, and acquiring the capacity slowly slowly to also smile about yourself.
- I have experienced feeling very close and loving to someone, and then he misunderstood me for wanting a sexual connection. Where is the line between sensuality and sexuality? How to touch and be intimate and close, without making people afraid of you and misunderstand you?
By being clear about where your boundary is and communicating it. By saying yes to what you want and no when it is too much. By also looking at the subtle invasions that you experienced as a teenager, either through lack of guidance, or wanting to do something about your loneliness
- How to find a partner without playing games? How can I be sure that I am not being played with?
You cannot be sure before you start. If by playing games you mean seduction, just become aware of your seductiveness, and realize that everything in nature goes through a phase of courtship before any sexual encounter. Games if conscious can be sweet. Manipulations are not sweet, but generally they start happening later….
And do not let your trust be dependent on what others do. Trust and openness are a state of relaxation that nobody on the outside should be able to change.
You might bring with you some expectations of being hurt and cheated, but those have deeper roots than the people you meet now. We will look at this as we move through the different chakras, and really experience these fears as contractions that come from the past and we almost recreate unconsciously with the new people we meet
- Is it possible to have a sexual relationship with more than one, and still go deep with them?
If everyone is willing to be part of this experience, why not…there will be more issues coming up than with a monogamous relationship, personal and collective issues, but if love and clarity are there, it can be a transcendental experience.
- What do I do when I am in a relationship and attracted to someone else?
Have the courage to share it with your partner and see where it leads. Attraction can be expressed in many different ways. But it needs to be spoken out in full respect of your current partner, without falling into the trap of pleasing and trying to harmonize, because resentment will lay in the shadow of this..
- Is it possible to live totally without sex?
Sexual energy is what creates life. Without sexual energy we would not exist.
Having sex is one of the main expressions of this energy.
It is possible to live without sex when you are not dependent from it. Then you can enjoy it freely when you want, like going to an exotic restaurant when you feel drawn to it but not because you are compelled by hunger…